Martin is the founder of Founder, which helps founders with startup pitch services.
Guest Author: Martin Barnes
It started to feel more like I was in an exam than having fun on the weekend.
Sunday, I got in a dragon boat for the first time.
My wife’s high school alums have a weekend team, and we joined in.
It was a great afternoon on the river, the kids splashing their paddles.
Like any rowing, you feel it the next day. I had muscles I didn’t know I had screaming at me on Monday.
I was also reminded of what it’s like to learn something new and get feedback.
Feedback is gold.
But if we are not ready for it, our ego doesn’t always like it.
In the space of 2 minutes, I was told.
01 – You are taking the paddle out too late and splashing water.
02 – Use your core power, not your arms.
03 – The inside arm grip lifts the paddle out of the water.
04 – The outside arm grip is for pulling the paddle through the water.
05 – Work as a team and keep in sync.
OK – THANKS! 😬
It started to feel more like I was in an exam than having fun on the weekend.
I wanted to turn around and tell my backseat driver to take a swim.
But I knew he was trying to help.
He was sitting from a position of experience, and everything I did as a novice stood out.
It reminded me of when I’m giving feedback to people at pitch events.
A pitch event is stressful.
People are putting themselves out there front and centre.
No were near their comfort zone.
And then I turn up.
They don’t know me from Adam.
I jump in feet first, telling them very much in public 3-4 things they are doing wrong.
It sucks.
And it must suck 100 times more than getting feedback on a one-off Sunday afternoon activity.
Pitching and presenting are intertwined with our ideas, identity, and sense of worth.
There is already tons of peer pressure and critical self-talk.
So, unsolicited feedback is often rejected.
Why?
The sender is well-meaning.
But the package needs to be wrapped properly.
A poorly wrapped package means the receiver isn’t ready to listen.
I think back to times when I gave tough love feedback.
Advice with no ease in.
Straight to the point with many ways to improve.
Of course, I got pushed back.
My afternoon dragon boating was a helpful reminder that feedback is well-meaning. Yet it’s only useful with this one thing.
Consideration for how it will be received.
And that is based on two things.
01
The framing.
How the sender sends the feedback.
Positive first.
Then constructive.
Stacey Gonzales, Ed.D. reminded me of this one time at #PitchClub.
Is the sender’s vocal tone warm, slow, patient and friendly?
A quick and superior tone is condescending.
02
What is the relationship between the sender and the receiver?
If you know, like and trust each other, the feedback has well-worn grooves to travel in.
When I got my feedback on the dragon boat, the person giving me feedback was behind me.
I didn’t know them.
It was a faceless voice of criticism.
There was no – ‘Can I give you some feedback?’ question priming.
I was in the middle of trying something new and doing my best. It felt like nitpicking observations rather than encouragement.
I got angry for a moment in my head.
Then I stopped.
Paused.
Took a deep breath.
I remembered that this was my first time.
And the feedback givers 10,000th time.
It made me think of every time I was in the feedback-giving position.
It made me feel like everyone who has been ‘learning to crew a dragon boat’ when they start presenting and public speaking.
I reflected on the feedback I was getting.
I thanked the feedback sender.
And I worked on implementing tip n.3. my paddle grip.
Later that evening, we chatted with a cold beer at the team BBQ.
We were starting to build our relationship.
I’ll look forward to more coaching if we go back and dragon boat again before returning to the UK.
There was a lot to think about during 90 minutes on the river.
Feedback is gold.
But only if people see it, recognise it and value it.
If it’s not received well, rethink how you send it.
If you receive it – breathe, slow down and accept what makes sense.
On the dragon boat, I decided I could only improve one thing.
And that was fine by me.
If you are working on your presentation skills, giving a 20-minute talk at an industry conference. A short company intro at a networking breakfast. Guesting on a podcast. Giving a 45-minute keynote. All ways you build your business.
And want to get to the next level – let’s talk, and I can share how I helped Dr Shelley James – The Light Lady .
She called me up the morning of her talk because she felt she wouldn’t reach her goals.
We cleared the path, and she aced her talk.
We can do the same for you.
Send me a DM, and let’s chat.
