Matt Gray is a well known Youtuber and content creator. He is also the founder of Herb - the largest and most engaged cannabis community in the world of over 14 million people.
Previously he founded Bitmaker, which trained full-stack software engineers and got them jobs at companies like Shopify, Facebook, and IBM. Bitmaker was acquired by General Assembly.
Guest Author: Matt Gray
If you want freedom in life, master negotiation.
• Healthy relationships
• Running a company
• Success at work
All depend on understanding people.
9 proven methods to get what you want in life:
1. Behavioral Biases
Studying behavioral economics will change your business interactions forever.
Loss aversion. Anchoring. Herding.
These are psychological weapons used against you every day without you even knowing.
Win back control and become the player – not the pawn.
2. Empathy
Making someone feel listened to lowers 90% of their barriers. Some simple tips:
• Ask open-ended questions
• Mirror body language
• Label their emotions
And you’ll charmingly coax collaboration out of them.
3. Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a superpower – it’s the birthplace of love, community and connections.
And, sometimes, being honest and opening your heart is the only way to get what you want.
It’s seen as a weakness: in times of need, it’s the strength of warriors.
4. Listen More Than You Speak
When you talk, you only repeat what you already know.
But when you listen, you’ll learn things that you can use.
Their intentions. Their limitations. Their fears.
Approach every conversation to listen – you never know what you’ll find.
5. Storytelling
Convey your point of view in a way that your counterparty roots for you.
Start with storytelling frameworks (e.g. the Hero’s Journey) and understand the 7 fundamental emotions.
Within no time, you’ll turn listeners into believers.
6. Framing
Most people talk in terms of ‘me’: How can I get what I want?
Flip this on its head – for everything you want, ask how it benefits your counterparty.
People are self-interested.
They don’t care what you want, only what you’re doing for them.
7. The Five Whys
Humans are irrational.
Sometimes we think we want something, but digging just a little deeper exposes shallow foundations to our desire.
Use a simple ‘why’ often to question yourself and others: the majority of reasoning doesn’t hold up past the 3rd ‘why’.
8. Referral Power
People are far more likely to say “yes” to someone they know and trust.
Whenever possible, get introduced by a mutual contact. This frames you as familiar before you state your ask.
The bigger your network, the bigger your negotiation surface area.
9. Do the Work
If you enter negotiations with entitlement, you deserve to fail. You HAVE to do your homework:
• Who do they answer to?
• What’s their best alternative?
• What are they like in negotiations?
Each piece of knowledge is an extra arrow in your armory.
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